In a recent survey of Indulgence attendees (yes, we do surveys!), people were frustrated by what feels like inconsistent communication, and/or not being invited to every party. In the words of one respondent, “that makes me sad.”
First off, a quick reminder that Indulgence is a closed, private party, thrown by the hosts for our own personal enjoyment and the enjoyment of our close friends. It’s not a party with a broad member base, and is not open to all comers like Tangerine’s Dream, Bronze, or Twist.
More importantly, while we would love to invite everyone we know and like to our parties, we simply don’t have the space to do so. We usually throw our parties at one of two private homes in the San Francisco Bay Area and the maximum comfortable party size is around 30 people. We tried bumping this up to around 35 at a recent party, and many of us felt that the space was too crowded.
So how do we handle this? For starters, we have two lists. One is a standing invitee list, which consists of some of our closest sex friends, and longest-tenured members of the Indulgence community. We maintain a permanent WhatsApp thread for this list. Seniority has its benefits.
The other is what we call our “guest list,” which consists of everyone else we would invite if space was not an issue.
When we schedule a new party, usually 3-4 months in advance, we send a save the date to the standing invitee list, and starting a month or so before the party we start collecting RSVPs from this list.
Obviously, not all standing invitees can make every party. Depending on how many standing invitees say yes, we gauge our extra spots and begin inviting members of the guest list.
Similarly, not all of the initial guest list invitees can make it to any given party, so then we go deeper into the guest list, continuing until we have sufficient RSVPs to fill that party.
So how do we decide who on the guest list to invite? There isn’t a hard and fast rule. We do like to meet new people, so sometimes we give consideration to first timers. Different hosts have different points of view on who should attend, and we sometimes take turns on who to invite. We are also conscious of gender balance.
And sometimes we want a big party with a packed guest list, while other times we prefer a smaller, more intimate party. It depends on the vibe we are shooting for.
We realize this may be frustrating, especially for people who don’t get invited to every party. We are experimenting with ways to address this, the best example being our new Extra Indulgence parties, like the HUMP! film festival after party. This year we threw it at Kink.com, and without our usual space restrictions we were able to invite many more of our friends (and we did!). We also throw occasional Twist takeovers, with no restriction on the number of attendees.
Meanwhile we appreciate your patience and understanding, and we hope this provides greater clarity for those who have been confused or frustrated by the process. We love everyone in the Indulgence community and are excited to see all of you at a future party!