What happens at the parties? Is it literally wall-to-wall bodies?
We configure the living space of the residence into a large, communal play area. We don’t play in bedrooms or side rooms. For the most part people pair off in couples, but it’s not unusual to see three, four, or even more people in a tangle of arms and legs. People generally move from partner to partner organically, taking breaks when they feel like it and diving back in when the mood strikes.
How does the evening flow?
We ask everyone to be be there at the prescribed time. The first hour or so feels like a cocktail party, and first-timers are provided a private tour and a briefing on what to expect. Then around an hour in we have a consent circle in which everyone shares desires and expectations for the evening, and after that play commences. Clothes start coming off more or less immediately and people generally dive right into play.
Do I have to have sex with someone I’m not attracted to?
Absolutely not. Consent is foundational at Indulgence. At the same time, our whole reason for being is to provide a community sex experience. If that’s not what you’re looking for, or you’re not attracted to the members of the Indulgence community, then we’re probably not the right place for you. There are other options out there, and we ask you to find one that’s a better fit.
Is there a door charge?
We do not charge for Indulgence parties. This is a private party thrown by the organizers for our and our friends’ personal enjoyment. We do however ask that you pitch in and bring your own alcohol and a light appetizer, and help us clean up afterward. It goes quickly and can be fun!
But isn’t it true that you ask for occasional monetary contributions?
Yes, that is true. While not connected to any particular party, we do ask on occasion that community members contribute to help defer our ongoing costs of running the parties. We invest in mattresses, covers, custom sheets, condoms, lube, towels, and storage bins, and the expenses do add up. We have kept our asks to under $100/person per year, which is less than a single entry fee at Twist (our local sex club).
When do the parties start and end?
We typically begin at 7:00 and end around 11:00. We ask that you be on time, because we do have a timeline for the evening and we know people are excited to get to the sex!
Where are the parties held?
We hold our parties at one of several private residences in the San Francisco Bay Area. We publish the address to attendees a few days before the party.
Are there themes?
Indulgence isn’t really a theme party, but we do throw a Halloween-themed party in October and a holiday-themed party in December. We may have other themes from time to time and will let you know if any given party has a specific theme.
What should I bring?
Bring your own alcohol and a light appetizer to share. And if you have particular condoms or lube you prefer, bring it along as well. Our appetizer sign-up sheet is published a few weeks before the party to ensure that everyone doesn’t bring, say, chocolate-covered strawberries. (Not that we don’t love chocolate-covered strawberries!)
How should I dress?
The party usually has a “sexy party attire” vibe. Women often choose to dress more sexy than they would on the street, and men should look appropriately sharp. But remember that our residences are in family-friendly neighborhoods so if you’re going particularly risqué, please cover up when walking from your car to the house.
How do I get an invitation?
We only invite our friends – people we know personally – to our parties. That isn’t to say new people don’t come to our parties; we make new friends all the time. If you know someone you think would be a good fit and want to introduce them to us, contact one of the hosts and we will be happy to meet and vet them.
Wait, what, people need to be vetted?
We strive to be very mindful about the group we curate, and are aware that Indulgence is not for everybody. We have a strict rule to meet everyone before their first party, without exception, even if it’s the date of one of our single attendees. We want to ensure they understand what we’re all about and that they are looking for the type of experience we provide. The meeting could be as simple as a Zoom call, could be coffee or a drink, or could be a play date if everyone is up for it (and with this crowd they often are).
So if I’m single I can bring a date?
We love our singles, and in fact one of our hosts is a single man. We also understand that it can be more fun to attend something like this with a date. We gladly invite singles to bring dates, but we do require that one of the hosts has a chance to meet and vet her or him prior to giving the green light. We want to make sure that your date fits the philosophy, understands what she or he is getting into, and isn’t, say, one of our exes (which might be a bit awkward for all involved!).
What if I’m single and I want to bring a date who has already been to Indulgence?
If we have already met and vetted your date, and she/he is a good fit for Indulgence, that’s great! We don’t need to vet them a second time. But we DO ask that you let us know when you RSVP because we maintain headcounts for parties and are mindful of the gender balance, and we don’t want people to show up with a surprise date in tow.
What if I don’t get invited to every party or see every communication? Is there a guest list or thread I’m not on?
We do in fact have two separate lists, and we have a whole page describing how they work. The short version is our standing invitation list, mostly consisting of the longest-tenured Indulgence community members, always receives invitations first. Depending on how many RSVPs we get from that list, we start reaching out to our guest list (the second list) and invite people on it.
How do I get on the standing invitation list?
While there have been some changes to the makeup of the standing invitation list, we don’t make them often. Usually it takes something like someone moving out of the area or dropping out of the party scene (both of which have happened) to free up a spot on the standing invitation list. So while adding new people to the list is possible, it’s rare.
How do you communicate with attendees before the party?
We create a WhatsApp thread for each party and communicate there. We do a new thread for every party so that we can target communications to the people attending that party. We also have a WhatsApp thread for the standing invitation list.
Did I read something somewhere about a survey?
Yes! We do annual surveys of Indulgence attendees, the most recent of which was in December of 2024. Not surprisingly, people like Indulgence. A lot. They liked the venues, the way we communicate, the other guests, and, of course, the sex. But one of the things that stood out the most was the depth of the friendships people have created, as well as how safe they feel at Indulgence. We have published the survey results, the most recent of which you can peruse here (and last year’s you can find here.)
I have an idea! What about separate playrooms for more intimate connections? Or colored wrist bands to indicate people’s comfort level diving all-in or not?
Every now and again we get a suggestion (usually from someone newer to the mix) for something that would fundamentally change the way our parties run. Keep in mind that our core philosophy is all about mindful, joyful, community play. We quite deliberately have a single play space, and work hard to invite guests who are themselves looking for the all-in experience we provide. We realize what we do may not be for everyone, and if it’s not for you there are plenty of other options that are likely a better fit.
I saw a new woman on the thread. Can I message her directly? Send her cock shots? Ask her/other women for nudes?
Consent is key at Indulgence, and we expect everyone to act as gentlemen and gentlewomen, especially when meeting someone for the first time. Whether at the party or on a thread, we shouldn’t have to remind people to mind their manners, and we are especially intolerant of predatory, non-consensual behavior. Anyone who engages in this sort of activity is clearly not a fit for our community and will be removed from the invitation list.
What should I do if someone violates my consent boundaries?
If it’s a first offense, or is someone you’re meeting for the first time, feel free to just let them know. Chances are they didn’t realize they were crossing your boundaries and will be respectful of them going forward. If it’s more serious (a more egregious offense, repeated behavior, or something that makes you feel unsafe) please let one of the hosts know. We will speak with the person and if the behavior doesn’t change, we will remove them from the party and take them off the invitation list.
Is there a limit on party size?
Our venues are only so large, and we cap the maximum number of attendees at 30 per party. And since we have more people who want to come than space at our parties, if you received an invitation it’s a good idea to get your RSVP in sooner than later!
What is your RSVP policy?
We typically publish a save the date via WhatsApp to our standing invitation list a few months before each party, and begin formally requesting RSVPs six weeks or so in advance. If you received an invitation, you can RSVP as early as you like, although most people do it a few weeks before the party. And remember we have a size limit, so once we reach it the party is closed!
What is your condom use policy?
We take our guests’ and our own health very seriously, and have a strict policy for condom use in all cases, with the only exception being sex between partners. Anyone found violating this policy will not be invited back to future Indulgence parties.
How do I get in touch with the organizers?
Indulgence is a private party that we throw for our personal friends and is not open to the public. If you happen to know one of the party organizers, the best idea would be to reach out to them directly.